Yesterday, during an annual retreat day, I spent several hours in mediation, Qi Gong, and breathwork — modalities that invite sensations forward and thoughts aside.

Predictably, my thinker did not love this arrangement. She kept popping in with commentary, observations, plans, reflections, questions. At first, it felt disruptive and I found myself ranting like a frustrated parent: “Are you still up? What more do I need to do to quiet you down? You’re interfering with my peace, go to sleep!”

And then (prompted by our wise leader’s reminder that resistance is normal and to be expected) something shifted.

I realized that my thinker didn’t need to be banished — she needed reassurance. Instead of pushing her away, I noticed her. Really noticed her. She wasn’t misbehaving — she was doing what she’s been exquisitely programmed to do: scan, analyze, anticipate, narrate. She wasn’t trying to sabotage the practice. She was trying, in her way, to help, to be included.

So I tried something different. Silently, kindly, I reassured her:

“You’re not going anywhere. (Biologically impossible, after all.)

Your efforts are appreciated. And we’re going to work together a little differently now.”

What emerged was an unexpected peace.

I realized I wasn’t trying to eliminate thinking — only to shift my relationship to it. To let my thinker rest more often. To call on her intentionally, rather than letting her run the show by default. To allow her creativity and free-associative brilliance to remain — while loosening my habit of engaging with her every single thought, especially the emotionally charged ones.

The breathwork continued. Thoughts still arose. But instead of grabbing hold of them, I observed them. Like watching waves instead of being pulled out to sea.

This felt like a small but meaningful insight about habit change — and leadership, too.

So often, we approach our inner patterns as problems to be fixed or conquered. But what if some of our most persistent habits are simply overworked allies? What if awareness isn’t about silencing parts of ourselves — but about renegotiating the relationship?

This week, I’m holding that question gently.