For my entire academic and professional life I have been fascinated with psychological safety. Research on high-performing teams, including my own, shows it is a key driver of team learning. Amy Edmondson, leading guru behind the concept, initially made the mind-bending discovery that teams with high psychological safety actually reported more errors in their hospital work setting than did teams with low psychological safety. Why? Not because they were making more errors but because the team members didn’t fear repercussions for reporting them. We may never know how many errors the other team had, they went unreported, unable to be addressed.

Also fascinated with mindfulness, both professionally and personally, I see this finding aligning to the practice of RAIN. In RAIN, we first Recognize a difficult experience, then Allow it to be—with kind attention rather than harsh judgment. This opens the door to Investigating it deeply and Nurturing ourselves. So the psychologically safe team recognized and allowed something to be that could then be investigated and addressed, in effect nurturing the system within which they were operating.

For me, allowing is the hard part, especially when fear arises. And my fear arises in situations from the benign (traffic up ahead, I’m going to be late, people will hate me and I’ll be shunned) to the brutal (I’m getting laid off, I’ll never work again, people will hate me and I’ll be shunned). These pervasive struggles with fear have fueled my intrigue (OK, obsession) with ways to experience psychological safety inside my own skin.

What I’ve discovered: we’re never truly safe. Our primitive brain will always be scanning for survival threats no matter how much leadership development we cram into our prefrontal cortex. But we can learn to allow fear’s presence without allowing it to rule our lives. Elizabeth Gilbert captures this beautifully in Big Magic, saying: “Fear gets to come along for the ride, but it doesn’t get to touch the steering wheel, choose the music, or make decisions.” This metaphor was incredibly liberating for me – fear is there, but not in control.

This insight helped me move into the “Investigate” step of RAIN, at first cautiously toggling between Investigate and Allow. What am I noticing? The sensation of ice water coursing through my veins. Can I allow this, even for a few breaths? And then going back to Investigate. What do I notice now?

Tara Brach calls this technique, often done with a partner, “Vipassana Out Loud.” By moving gently between noticing and being with, we can give our experience more space and often see it transform. So fear can shift from appearing as a demonic driver to becoming a scared toddler. A passenger worthy of attention and reassurance, for sure, but properly in their car seat and not at the wheel.

Here’s to your staying in the driver’s seat!