Watch Your Words

A Mindful Look at What We Say and What We Don't

I’ve been thinking about the power of words. Not just the big ones: the speeches, declarations, and difficult conversations. The ordinary ones:

This week, as I prepare to teach about mindfulness and communication, I’ve been struck by how many wisdom traditions arrive at essentially the same place:

The Buddha taught about refraining from false, divisive, harsh, and idle speech—and cultivating speech that is truthful, kind, and conducive to harmony.
Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication asks us to separate observation from judgment, identify our feelings and needs, and make clear requests.
And Don Miguel Ruiz begins The Four Agreements with perhaps the simplest instruction of all: Be impeccable with your word.

Simple. Not easy.

Especially now. We live in an environment overflowing with commentary, outrage, gossip, speculation, and instant reaction. I noticed it recently in the breathless coverage surrounding a celebrity wedding: who was offended, who couldn’t bring whom, who knew what and when. Apparently even someone else’s wedding can become a source of grievance. Maybe that’s partly our ancient wiring at work. Trouble gets our attention.

But mindfulness gives us another choice.
Before adding our words to the stream, we can ask:
Is it true?
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?

And perhaps there is another side to mindful speech that gets less attention:
What truth am I not saying?

For some of us, kindness and harmony come naturally. And sometimes keeping the peace can mean withholding what we actually feel, need, or want to ask for. But being impeccable with our word may also mean finding the courage to speak more.

And perhaps the practice begins even closer to home—with the words we say to ourselves.
This week, I’m listening a little more closely: